Parenthood...

Being a parent watching a child grow is like watching grains of sand slowly trickle from your hands.

Pregnancy begins the journey of parenthood. When I was pregnant with my first son I felt a sense of calm, feeling that I had control over his safety. It was a false sense of control because pregnancy is a delicate and intricate process that creates the beautiful baby 9 months later. However, as the mom, I thought that if I ate right, was cautious and took care of myself to the best of my ability, I would be caring for my unborn baby. Then, when I became pregnant for the second time I learned that sometimes, even when you do your best, things happen. I lost the second pregnancy at 11 weeks. The doctor said that it happen quite frequently and there is no way to know why the pregnancy "terminated". It would not mean that I couldn't get pregnant again and have a wonderful pregnancy as I did the first time.

My husband and I were devastated. We never thought that could happen to us. That day we heard stories from friends who had similar experiences. It became clear how precious the gift of pregnancy and parenthood are. We were fortunate to become pregnant again and now have 2 boys.

I realized that even as I held my baby within my belly, I was not in control. I learned the lesson that control is an illusion. I had no more control over my babies well being when he was inside me that I do when I watch him ride his bike. As a parent I wish for some sense of control that equates to safety. As an individual I know that life has lessons for all of us.

As a parent I watch my children, teach them what I have learned and realize that time is something that moves at its' own pace. The first year of my son's life is going so fast. He has grown, changed and learned so much. He is no longer dependant on me for all of his needs. He is mobile, has his own opinions of what he likes and dislikes, has favorite toys and is moving into developing his independence.

The challenge for a parent is to know when to let go. From the time the baby is born we are preparing ourselves to let them walk on their own. I am amazed at how fast that day comes and how hard it is to stand back and let them fall, knowing that the only way to learn is to experience. Then comes sending them off to school. The list goes on and on.

Watch the sand trickle through your fingers, each grain another experience. Even when you think that the sand is gone, look closer, the glow of the tiny specs of sand remain. Even when our children are grown and on there own, their glow is still with us, the parents. The thoughts of childhood fill our heart, our memories, and our spirits with the joy and love of parenthood.